It’s early. I rolled out of bed with a mean headache, a side effect of the nitroglycerin patch I’m now wearing.
My mind went quickly to my heart, and more tests I’m scheduled for next week.
It was so early, only 5 am, yet there it was, that dark cloud again.
I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me set aside the heaviness of it all, and speak to me through his Word.
I tip-toed out of the bedroom and headed for coffee, Tylenol, but most of all, I wanted my Bible.
I don’t want to be anxious for anything (Phil 4:6). I don’t want to worry about my kids, my husband, my parents and how this is impacting my ability to care for them.
But I can’t “not worry” in my own strength.
The doctors have been telling me many things about my heart lately, but I’ve known one thing they haven’t mentioned about this flesh-filled heart of mine, it is prone to wander. It’s prone to worry and fear.
But, because My Father’s mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22-22), with every worry and fear, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, I can let my requests be made known to God. (Phil 4:6) —the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE who controls every beat of my heart.
And so, I made the coffee, swallowed the Tylenol, and held my Bible and I prayed-
God, help me to not be consumed by the “what-ifs” but help me focus on what is true. (Phil 4:8). I’ve asked You this before. Thank you that I can ask You again.
Lord, help me to meditate on the eternal things I’ve learned, and received, and have seen You do in me and in others. (Phil 4:9)
As I remember, deliberately remember, You see all things, You know all things, YOU work all things for good for those who love you and are called to Your purpose (Rom 8:28)…it is right there that Your peace, which surpasses all understanding (and even squashes my desire to understand) that my heart and mind are guarded in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:7).
Oh Lord, once again, You are reminding me that WHATEVER may come, whatever state I’m in, abased or abounding, I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me. (Phil 4:12-13)
One day at a time.
Just this day.
I’ll focus on just this day and not worry about tomorrow for each day has enough trouble of its’ own.(Matt 6:34)
And once again, as I turn my anxious heart to You, oh Lord, I’m reminded of the words of the psalmist-
“O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.” (Psalm 139:1-18)
Oh Lord, as much as I have thought about all of this, as much as I have been concerned about how this might impact those I love, God your thoughts are more. You are with me. You are with my family.
You’ve got this!
You will give us what we need when we need it because what we need, more than anything, is YOU!
Oh God, how thankful I am, for You, Lord!
You’ll never leave. Your presence is so very sweet. ❤️
3 thoughts on “Here I am, anxious again.”
Sweet Kim, I’m going through physical struggles & you spoke to my heart. I pray for you as you go through this trial. Our God is faithful & He carries us when we can’t carry ourselves.
Thank you so very much. Praying for you too. So thankful God used it.