26 years ago ….
It isn’t just the date on the calendar, but something about the feel, and the smell, of the late August Tennessee air that carries me back to that day.
It’s other things, too, like the anticipation of the first Tennessee football game and the reminder of how much he always looked forward to that.
Today, I will talk to the men, who were his little boys 26 years ago, and I will still wonder how he could’ve left us.
But 26 years ago, on this day, my husband did leave.
It would be five long, gut-wrenching days before answers would come.
Five long days before his body would be found -without a suicide note.
No, some answers have never come.
But this I do know…though he left…God has not.
Though I screamed in anguish and told God I couldn’t go on…God didn’t leave.
Though I questioned His goodness and yelled—
Are You here?
Do You see?
Do You care?
….God didn’t leave.
So many times, I have been faithless, but God has always been completely faithful.
God didn’t leave.
And that has been enough.
More than enough.
So often, it was through the tear-stained pages of my Bible, that God spoke.
With His Word, He lifted my head, He comforted, He gave me real, keep-going, hope.
God was there then.
God is still here today.
He has been there in all the days in between.
And this I know and believe with all my heart…. though a very real war was waged against my family, the enemy did NOT get all he wanted.
Though I have seen pain, I have seen RIVERS of God’s faithfulness and goodness in my life and the lives of my sons.
And so, 26 years later, I stand as a witness of God’s sustaining, healing, steadfast love.
And that same God who carries me, He WILL carry you too.
He will speak to you through His precious Word.
Pick it up.
Oh friend, He loves YOU, and He can and will bring beauty from YOUR ashes as you run to Him too.
He has blessed me with a godly husband who loves me so very well because he loves Jesus first. He has given me a beautiful daughter. He has been so good to me in countless ways!
But still. Even with all the blessings I can see, God is still my Rock.
He is the steady in the new storms that come.
I know He won’t leave.
And that is enough to sustain me and you when all else seems to fail us.