We’ve probably all seen, or experienced ourselves, the effects of trauma, especially childhood trauma. Those wounds are deep and sometimes, it seems, the effects are insurmountable.
Or, are they?
The powerful words below are not mine but from one who has suffered as a child but wishes to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons)—
Have you ever heard someone say, “Why do these things keep happening to me?” or “Because this happened to me, I deserve to do _____”, or simply, “What have I done to deserve this?”? Maybe you have thought these things yourself. Because I know I have.
There was a time in my life that I asked these types of questions. I grew up in a Christian household that seemed wonderful, until it wasn’t.
I remember watching my family that once lived a life of following the Lord fall apart to live a life of deceit, manipulation, anger, and hiding. I witnessed my parents choose to live in sin. I witnessed my parents go through a terrible divorce and go from loving each other, to now, not even wanting to be in the same room. How could this be possible? How could MY family be so different now?
In situations like this it is easy to place your ‘victim hat’ on and let it stay there—to let the trauma define you and excuse your lifestyle and actions.
More and more, this mindset is not only common, but supported and encouraged. Many seem to want to be forever defined by past trauma—especially childhood trauma.
But, there is immense bondage in this mindset, and this is right where the enemy wants us to stay.
But we don’t have to.
We must remember we are all downright sinful people in desperate need of a Savior. All of us. None of us can fix ourselves.
“Following your heart” or following what feels “right” to you is not scriptural. Rather, our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9-10)—our parent’s hearts and ours. We all need to run to Jesus daily in order to walk in freedom instead of the pain from our past.
What’s more, we are not excused to live a life of sin just because life is hard or has been hard .
In fact, the Lord has already told us that life will be hard (John 16:33). Jesus lived a life of persecution, temptation, and mockery; yet He knew no sin. He overcame the world and the trouble in it! His life here on earth is where we can look to find the joy and freedom our hearts long to have.
In the season when my family was falling apart and there was so much unknown, I remembered I could count on the Lord.
This daily remembering birthed freedom!
I ran to God and He took care of me. I dove in His Word to help me remember and I prayed for the resentment and unforgiveness in my heart to be removed.
For years, I struggled with those emotions until I came to understand that I don’t deserve the forgiveness freely offered by Jesus. Therefore, who am I to harbor unforgiveness in my heart? The Lord met me in that moment. He started to soften my heart and continues to do so.
There is immense freedom in that.
As I continued to look to Jesus as my example, I found not only did Jesus go to the Father in prayer and petition, but He surrounded Himself with His disciples. These men were sacrificing their entire lives for the Lord. I found more freedom as I sought out these kind of people to be near.
I encourage you to surround yourself with people who are like that—not just the friends who just go to church on Sundays yet live fruitless lives. Yes, we should encourage those people to flee from sin and point them to the truth, but we should make every effort to find a few, solid, Christ-following friends who will partner with us and encourage us in seeking truth.
And, do not be afraid to be corrected, because these friends are not meant to be your ‘yes men or women’– these friends are meant to point you to Jesus in love. There is so much blessing to be found in God-fearing and truth-seeking friendships!
I found even more freedom when I realized God wasn’t just giving me these kinds of friends but helping ME to be that kind of friend too—my faith grew and I could not be satisfied with living just a lukewarm faith.
Ephesians 5:11 teaches that we should “take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” It doesn’t say that it’s okay to live in lukewarm faith, doubt, deceit, confusion, or sin just because life is hard.
Let’s refute that lie from the enemy who wants to keep us suffering from our childhood pain.
Let’s also realize the enemy won’t give up easily, but that we have to DAILY make the choice to walk in victory and break the chains of generational sin.
God’s Word tells us to take no part in sin and to expose it, no matter the cost. Jesus says to take up your cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23).
Ask yourself, how am I doing that? What ways am I neglecting to follow God? If you aren’t sure, pray for the Lord to reveal those things and flee from them! Again, there is true freedom there.
I believe God often places us in situations where our only choice is to depend on Him. Whether or not you have gone through something like me, God’s ultimate purposes are for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28).
Again, if you are living a life of sin and shame and hiding from the Lord, flee from it. Run to His arms. Run to His Word that is living and breathing. Run to your believing spouse, godly friends, or wise counsel. There is an abundance of forgiveness and grace to be had. You are not meant to go through this alone.
In Ephesians 2, we learn that we are His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which He has prepared in advance for us to do. I came to realize that God already knew about the hardship I faced before it even happened—though it was terrifying and unexpected, it was not a surprise to Him. What comfort there is in knowing that He has gone before you, even in what you have gone through, or are currently going through! He is sovereign and He will take care of you. He is good in His very nature and deeply loves His kids. He loves you perfectly, though others may not have.
Ultimately, the Lord is worthy of our trust no matter what happens, and we are called to live a life that boldly proclaims Him. We aren’t to just proclaim Him at church- we are to proclaim Him in our marriages, workplaces, friendships, and families. Even when it’s uncomfortable or you don’t want to. Others need to know He is the hope they need too!
Living in a victim mentality inevitably will lead to despair and bitterness, but living a life following Christ will lead to incalculable hope despite one’s circumstances.
I encourage you to believe you can live a life that isn’t defined by your trauma, your past mistakes, trials, or hardships because of Jesus!
There is abundant life in Christ in partnering with Him throughout every season because He is worthy of full acceptance. Oh friend, this is where you will find real freedom!!!❤️
Special thanks to this friend who shared such truth! May God bless all who seek to allow the Lord to use the hard roads for their good and His glory!
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Kim Jaggers Ministry 